#POWER AND CONTROL WHEEL FULL#

But the good news is, I am finally starting to feel like the 'real me' again! Thank you for your articles.Mobile phone ownership has become almost universal, with smartphones the most popular consumer electronics device.

I could go on for hours writing about this. But, even then I tell her goodbye from behind our front door and then watch her leave and wave to her from our kitchen window. I am so glad that he is no longer a part of my life! I still have to deal with him once a month when he gets our daughter for visitation. Tried to convince our families that I was crazy. He did everything he could to make me think I was crazy and his affair was 'just friends'. It has been 7 years and I still have not gotten an apology for him destroying our family. I had spent 20 years of my life giving up homes, friends, jobs, churches, my children's schools, etc for him. He claimed he was he had found someone else because I was no longer there for him. He finally had an affair.probably not his first.when my mom was extremely ill and getting ready to have brain surgery. I became very ill and he punished me every day for that. It is a lousy thing to have to tell your children that because their father won't do anything.and I mean anything.with them! By the time we had been married 15 or so years he had literally sucked the life, motivation, desire, etc out of me. I can't tell you the number of times I excused his behavior with.he works so hard at his job that he just doesn't have the time or energy for us when he comes home. And as always, I appreciate you sharing your stories. It allowed me to really see the abuse for what it was.ĭid you notice any of the above Power and Control tactics in your relationship? Share below. Learning about the Power and Control wheel really opened my eyes to what I had experienced. He'd say, 'Well, I wouldn't have had to do X, if you hadn't done X.' Or he'd say, 'If you only did what I told you to, then I wouldn't have had to do X.' The times that he DID acknowledge the abuse, he'd blame me. I lost count of how many times he would make light of the abuse (minimize), or would just outright deny it ever happened. The minimizing/denying/blaming spoke was used quite often, too. I'd protest and he'd simply say, 'Geez, you're so sensitive. I'd be the butt of some lame joke, and his buddies would laugh. He HAD to look macho and 'in control' of his woman.

And countless times, he'd tell me how hard HE worked all day and all he wanted to do was come home and relax without having me bitch at him.Īs I briefly mentioned in My Story, my NX would humiliate me in front of his military buddies. Countless times I would protest, saying can't he put things in the laundry basket. He was military, so he would come home, and promptly strip down and dump his uniform in the living room.

#POWER AND CONTROL WHEEL FULL#

He'd come home and say, 'What did you do all day? Sit on your fat ass all day and eat bon-bons?' Even when I had gotten a full time job, I would still drop the children off and pick them up from daycare, clean the house, do laundry. So not only did I take care of our young daughter, but I took the opportunity to also clean and do laundry. Part of the time we were together, I was a stay at home mom. I can't tell you how many times he would call me names (like fat, crazy, and lazy). For example, while my NX used all of the spokes, the two spokes he used the most often were the emotional abuse and minimizing/denying/blaming spokes. When I was handed a printout of the wheel, I audibly gasped as I read through each 'spoke' and its description. Each 'spoke' on the wheel represents different abuse tactics that the Narc abuser will utilize.

Power and control wheel